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Men In Love

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This is a book about men who love women. But it is not a collection of love stories. It is a study of the secret, erotic fantasies that men have always kept hidden, a taboo-shattering investigation that reveals the deepest, most conflicting feelings that men have about women, men and their own sexuality. Men in Love goes beyond the socio-sexual cliché of woman seen as eithe This is a book about men who love women. But it is not a collection of love stories. It is a study of the secret, erotic fantasies that men have always kept hidden, a taboo-shattering investigation that reveals the deepest, most conflicting feelings that men have about women, men and their own sexuality. Men in Love goes beyond the socio-sexual cliché of woman seen as either madonna or whore to reveal the conflict of love and rage at the centre of men's emotions and erotic desires. Based on thousands of candid responses from men ranging from their teens to their sixties, Men in Love - startling and shocking - will change men's deepest feelings about their sexuality and make the women who care about them understand them as never before.


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This is a book about men who love women. But it is not a collection of love stories. It is a study of the secret, erotic fantasies that men have always kept hidden, a taboo-shattering investigation that reveals the deepest, most conflicting feelings that men have about women, men and their own sexuality. Men in Love goes beyond the socio-sexual cliché of woman seen as eithe This is a book about men who love women. But it is not a collection of love stories. It is a study of the secret, erotic fantasies that men have always kept hidden, a taboo-shattering investigation that reveals the deepest, most conflicting feelings that men have about women, men and their own sexuality. Men in Love goes beyond the socio-sexual cliché of woman seen as either madonna or whore to reveal the conflict of love and rage at the centre of men's emotions and erotic desires. Based on thousands of candid responses from men ranging from their teens to their sixties, Men in Love - startling and shocking - will change men's deepest feelings about their sexuality and make the women who care about them understand them as never before.

30 review for Men In Love

  1. 4 out of 5

    Steelwhisper

    Friday is pretty much unsufferable and I'd cheerfully string her up and apply a cane to her for making such idiotic assumptions about women, and engaging in quite some downtalking to men. The 4* are exclusively for the guys who shared their innermost sexual selves freely. This was an interesting insight into the psyche of the American male. My advice: skip most everything written by Friday and stick to what the men write. ETA: I reread a couple of letters this morning, and have to say that it quite Friday is pretty much unsufferable and I'd cheerfully string her up and apply a cane to her for making such idiotic assumptions about women, and engaging in quite some downtalking to men. The 4* are exclusively for the guys who shared their innermost sexual selves freely. This was an interesting insight into the psyche of the American male. My advice: skip most everything written by Friday and stick to what the men write. ETA: I reread a couple of letters this morning, and have to say that it quite astonishes me (and very much dates this book) that Friday didn't even think of calling out against the actual rape described in some of them. Or was so blithely accepting of men describing an abundance of cheating behaviour. Insofar it indeed is a time capsule to the sexual behaviour of American males.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Erin

    nominally nonfiction, bad erotica masquerading as pseudo-psychology - if reading letters by men who fantasize about having sex with their mothers and sisters is your thing, then this is the book for you -- ps if you want to read erotica, read erotica - don't get your jollies from crappy psycho-social "insights"

  3. 5 out of 5

    Sharon

    Some of the fantasies were quite intresting and could get me worked up, there were definatly some that quite frankly scared the hell out of me. Not for those who aren't broad minded.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Suzanne Portnoy

    Having read Nancy Friday's MY SECRET GARDEN year's ago, I was keen to see how this study of male sexual fantasies compared. Well, firstly, it's a completely different type of books simply because upon reading it, I realised how different men and women think about sex. Now you'd think that being an erotic author, I'd know this and mainly I do, but this book still came as a revelation. Sure, some of the stories now seem a bit dated but nevertheless, the overall feeling one gets is that there are s Having read Nancy Friday's MY SECRET GARDEN year's ago, I was keen to see how this study of male sexual fantasies compared. Well, firstly, it's a completely different type of books simply because upon reading it, I realised how different men and women think about sex. Now you'd think that being an erotic author, I'd know this and mainly I do, but this book still came as a revelation. Sure, some of the stories now seem a bit dated but nevertheless, the overall feeling one gets is that there are so many men trapped in deeply unsexually satisfying relationships. The overriding feeling I came away with was one of terrible repression and unfulfilled desires. I go back to this book time and time again, not to turn me on, but to give me a deeper understanding of male sexuality. It really is a fascinating read.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Sophia

    Nancy Friday, better known for her writings on female sexual fantasies, turns her attention to the opposite sex in Men in Love. A notice in her last book garnered about three thousand responses from American men, of which about two hundred are included in this volume. Written in 1980, the language may be a bit dated, but not the subject matter. Rather than merely an unfiltered compilation of letters detailing male sexual fantasies, Friday synthesizes them around a given theme--say, oral sex or s Nancy Friday, better known for her writings on female sexual fantasies, turns her attention to the opposite sex in Men in Love. A notice in her last book garnered about three thousand responses from American men, of which about two hundred are included in this volume. Written in 1980, the language may be a bit dated, but not the subject matter. Rather than merely an unfiltered compilation of letters detailing male sexual fantasies, Friday synthesizes them around a given theme--say, oral sex or sadomasochism--into an explanation of how they arise and what they signify. Her approach is heavily psychoanalytic, relying on the primal conflicts the young boy faces in early life with mother and father for its explanatory power. One always wonders if the letters printed were selected to fit her theory, or the latter arose to describe the data. Whether you agree with her methodology or thesis--fantasies are triumph of love over rage--Men in Love is engaging, eye-opening reading, and not only for its sexual content.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Christy Stewart

    This is nothing less than an anthology of sexual baggage and my hat is off to the men who wrote in with such honesty and courage. Friday mentions in the introduction that she has digested sexual taboos from women as empowering and progressive but when faced with the same taboos in men's fantasies she was scandalized and disgusted. To me, her realization of that is the real lesson of this study.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Dinah

    Many more holistic views of the woman (rather than assemblage of hot body parts) and scenarios (more than just "she's my secretary/boss" level of setup of the scene) as key parts of fantasies than I'd expected from past things I'd read about men's relationship to porn. I'd love to see a collection of fantasies similar to this and My Secret Garden done today with the internet having changed so much in our awareness of the diversity of fantasy life.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Sue

    I found this fascinating, even though some of the fantasies disturbed or frightened me. Very eye-opening.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Kate Aaron

    I think the idea for these books is fantastic, and the fantasies themselves eternally fascinating, but Friday's ham-fisted brand of psychology drives me up the wall!

  10. 5 out of 5

    The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health

    “Men in Love” is based on more than 3,000 responses (asked by Nancy Friday) with men discussing their sexual fantasies, desires and passions. In it she urged men to send her their sexual fantasies (“anonymity guaranteed”). The result? A deeper look into men’s psyche’s. It’s thought-provoking, arousing and for some people, contains unattractive fantasies. The wide range of fantasies explored in this book will guide every reader to a provocative point, urging them to expand upon what turns them on “Men in Love” is based on more than 3,000 responses (asked by Nancy Friday) with men discussing their sexual fantasies, desires and passions. In it she urged men to send her their sexual fantasies (“anonymity guaranteed”). The result? A deeper look into men’s psyche’s. It’s thought-provoking, arousing and for some people, contains unattractive fantasies. The wide range of fantasies explored in this book will guide every reader to a provocative point, urging them to expand upon what turns them on ….and what doesn’t. This book could be used to stimulate conversation with others about a behavior or fantasy you might like to explore, as a way to normalize thoughts you may hold, or as an erotic read. Of special note; The author, Nancy Friday, answered a few questions to People magazine in response to Men In Love. While the focus of these questions relate to fantasies and are not specific to men, she responds to questions frequently asked to sexuality professionals. What is the difference between our dreams and sexual fantasies? Dreams are the expression of the unconscious while we are asleep. Sexual fantasies are ideas, images, pictures in our mind while we are awake. They’re a combination of the unconscious and conscious. If people could begin to look at their sexual fantasies as easily as they accept their night dreams, we’d all be a lot healthier about our sexual identities. What is the benefit in recognizing sexual fantasies? After I wrote My Secret Garden, I began getting letters from women expressing gratitude. “Thank God you wrote that book,” they said. “I thought I was the only one.” Your sexual fantasies are one of the most valuable X-rays you’ll ever have. They provide a look at your sexual psyche. They can tell you so much about yourself.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Michelle

    I made it about halfway through this and couldn't take anymore. The "ick" factor is high, and while I consider myself to be fairly open-minded, there are some really deviant, distasteful and downright disturbing fantasies in this book. I might have been able to finish it if it were around 200 pages, but at 472 pages, it just becomes tiresome and gross, regardless of the psychobabble explanations on the side.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Melissa Johnson

    Okay, so a lady recommend that I read this book to understand the male psyche when it comes to lust, love and sex. It is a compilation of letters written to the author by men of all ages, backgrounds, etc. describing their fantasies as well as their sex lives. So it's kind of like reading educational erotica. Interesting indeed...

  13. 5 out of 5

    The Scarlet Pervygirl

    It probably says something terrible about me that I find the men's sex fantasies in *Men in Love* much more offensive and about six times more arousing than the women's sex fantasies in *My Secret Garden.*

  14. 4 out of 5

    Kerilynn Pederson

    startling and fascinating, like reading educational pornography

  15. 4 out of 5

    Jasmine

    Mind blowing. At this point in my life it's hard to shock me but I found myself blushing in public frequently while reading this book. Available at a garage sale near you.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Donsancho2063

    Some of the responses to Male Fantasies is the reason why men watch porno or seek professionals to live out there fantasies.

  17. 5 out of 5

    mairywo

    Not as good as her books on female fantasies. I especially didn't really care for the S&M chapter. But overall it's still a very interesting and fascinating read.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Annabelle

    Men in Love is a collection of real-life men's fantasies. This is a fascinating (and very odd) window into the male sexual mind. A great read!

  19. 4 out of 5

    Ana

    Well, that was... interesting. There's the sexy, the sweet, the heartwarming, the imaginative, the crazy, the kinky, the deranged and the downright illegal in about 500 pages. I try to keep an open mind, but that doesn't mean that I have to put up with more than I can, so understandably I skipped over some chapters (the amount of men fantasizing about doing their mothers or other female relatives is too damn high!). I haven't read Friday's books about female fantasies yet, but I expect I will fe Well, that was... interesting. There's the sexy, the sweet, the heartwarming, the imaginative, the crazy, the kinky, the deranged and the downright illegal in about 500 pages. I try to keep an open mind, but that doesn't mean that I have to put up with more than I can, so understandably I skipped over some chapters (the amount of men fantasizing about doing their mothers or other female relatives is too damn high!). I haven't read Friday's books about female fantasies yet, but I expect I will feel the same way. In the end, the book taught me nothing, and it was pretty repetitive most of the time. I was confused by the ease with which NF glosses over actual accounts of statutory rape, rape and incest. The most shocking fantasies were accompanied but what I thought to be fairly superficial comments, if any at all. Maybe that was the point of the book, I don't know. I guess fantasies are not intended to be judged; but when the so strongly reflect half the population's stance to something as vital as sex?? Strong bias, suprizing conclusions... Anyhow, the book is ok if you're lonely on a weekend and want to pretend you're doing something intellectual while keeping yourself company.

  20. 5 out of 5

    sai

    Men in love covers a multitude of male fantasies from Oedipus complex, virginity to s&m, bisexuality along with the author's explanation of the psychological basis behind each of those fantasies. The fantasies described are in first person by various men. Though the author's explanations give the impression of being presumptuous at certain points, nancy tried to be objective in most cases and the book in overall is very riveting. If you are a reader that is easily put off by vivid descriptio Men in love covers a multitude of male fantasies from Oedipus complex, virginity to s&m, bisexuality along with the author's explanation of the psychological basis behind each of those fantasies. The fantasies described are in first person by various men. Though the author's explanations give the impression of being presumptuous at certain points, nancy tried to be objective in most cases and the book in overall is very riveting. If you are a reader that is easily put off by vivid descriptions of sexual acts and if issues like Oedipus complex unsettle you, then I would not advise it. But if you want break out of that mold this book is a great beginner. I would rate it 3.5 stars if the option was available.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Shalini Sinha

    I am too indecisive on how to rate this book! I think the idea behind this book is fantastic, it is quite commendable to bring up the very unusual, lesser-known and interesting fantasies of men for the first time. However, I wouldn't say I really liked this book because it was quite startling and not so well-written (like other Friday's books and erotica). Still, it is a one-time must (at least give a try) read for someone who is interested in exploring the male psyche and fantasies (if you're bro I am too indecisive on how to rate this book! I think the idea behind this book is fantastic, it is quite commendable to bring up the very unusual, lesser-known and interesting fantasies of men for the first time. However, I wouldn't say I really liked this book because it was quite startling and not so well-written (like other Friday's books and erotica). Still, it is a one-time must (at least give a try) read for someone who is interested in exploring the male psyche and fantasies (if you're broad minded & don't generalize).

  22. 4 out of 5

    Asli

    The only reason I gave this book 4 stars as opposed to 5 is because it was a little too disturbing for me. I didn't know so many men consciously fantasised about their mothers... Aside from that, this book is an excellent insight into thoughts that you will most likely never hear a man communicate to you in reality. I really enjoyed reading the unusual fantasies some men have and the way Nancy accompanied each fantasy with a very intelligent psychoanalytic explanation. It is brilliant.

  23. 4 out of 5

    R to the -izzo

    I read this one summer when I was in college. It is just a collection of men's fantasies. I thought that it was kind of interesting. It is broken down by genre. There is a chapter on exhibitionism, and threeways, etc.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Amy

    i like the concept and idea of the book. nancy gives sex surveys to men and records the results. warning : there's some very disturbing material. after reading this book what can i say, i was completely disenchanted and disturbed about the general state of male sexuality.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Jadine

    interesting read, I wonder how much, if anything has changed in the last 30 years.....

  26. 4 out of 5

    Paula ross

    Men are very strange creatures

  27. 5 out of 5

    Jo

    I have been going through my shelves to see what I want to keep and what I am going to swap/give away. I was young when I bought this, what can I say....

  28. 5 out of 5

    Ramona Silverwing

    Lovely written and sure helps to understand man a tiny bit better. Glad I found it.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Stephanie

    les fantasmes masculins

  30. 5 out of 5

    Violet

    Freud has a lot to answer for...

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